I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
