i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
