She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
