How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
