She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
