1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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