You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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