Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
