Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
