no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize