if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize