Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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