I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
