Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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