Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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