I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We got so high we made milksteak
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
