So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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