I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
