Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
