Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
