I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
