I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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