why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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