im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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