Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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