seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
