yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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