The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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