She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize