dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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