hell yes lets make some ravioli
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
