I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
