We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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