god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how can u be prego again
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
