Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
