i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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