She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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