I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
