also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
