I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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