I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
