he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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