In America we eat man semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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