I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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