Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
