I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
