how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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