did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
