Kiss
Puke
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
