I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
