I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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