checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
