just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When did angry sex become our thing?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
