Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize