I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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