1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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