Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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