my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize