good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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