can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
