Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
