Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
