my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize