took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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