did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
