dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
