remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
