I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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